Get ready for the end times.
In “The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Apocalypse” (Quirk Books) authors Joshua Piven and David Borgenicht cheekily cover everything you need to maximize your chances of surviving a Doomsday disaster and reveal how you can “pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again.”
“I’m positive about the fact that we can survive,” Borgenicht told The Post. “It just may not be all of us who do so.”
The handbook is packed with advice for the Day of Reckoning, covering everything from eating rodents to outwitting zombie hordes by using boats.
“Zombies cannot swim, and in all likelihood cannot work a kayak paddle or steer a canoe,” the duo write.
While much of the book is more humorous than genuinely helpful, there is some useful advice on things like packing for the great outdoors and fending off animals and insects.
If you encounter a swarm of bees, hold still.
“Bees are attracted by movement and killed or crushed bees emit a scent that will attract even more bees,” Piven and Borgenicht write. “Swatting at the bees will make them more aggressive.”
If possible, head inside. The bees may follow, but they “will become confused by bright lights and windows, and tracking you will become more difficult,” the duo write.
Lastly, remain calm, as “a nonallergic person can survive about ten bee stings per pound of body weight.”
In other aspects, the authors write that the key to surviving isn’t just being prepared, it’s keeping quiet to prevent others from panicking — and to protect your supplies.
“If someone asks, ‘Why are you dehydrating fifty pounds of beef?’ say ‘Would you like some jerky?’” advise the authors.
And, keep in mind that levity is as crucial as dried meat in bleak times.
“A sense of humor is really important for surviving a crisis,” Borgenicht said. “I think humor is really the way to short-circuit fear.”
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