Nancy Pelosi and AOC play is a predictable snooze

Don’t come looking for juicy drama at “N/A,” the new play about Nancy Pelosi and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez that opened Thursday night at Lincoln Center’s Mitzi E. Newhouse Theater.

The behind-closed-doors scenes pitting the Speaker of the House against the upstart New York congresswoman are more like Disney’s Hall of Presidents — reverential and robotic — than brutal Capitol Hill.

Sure, the two pols fight. AOC (Ana Villafañe) brashly threatens to vote against Pelosi (Holland Taylor) for speaker, and the DC veteran questions the feasibility of passing the divisive Green New Deal. They get into an annoying spat about who’s more privileged.  

But no moment is ever explosive. In fact, “N/A” is almost a light comedy. Playwright Mario Correa turns Pelosi into a Don Rickles who delivers mean zinger after mean zinger about the then-30-year-old rep of the Bronx and Queens as if she’s working the Catskills.

“I accidentally sat in the quiet car,” chatterbox AOC says.

Coldly replies Pelosi: “You must have been devastated.” 

Yes, there are plenty of punchlines in “N/A.” But Correa’s play always pulls its punches. 

There’s no critique, really, or insight into these famous women beyond what we already know. Instead of relatable humans, they’re obvious ideological stand-ins: Pragmatism vs. Idealism; Youth vs. Experience; Moderate vs. Progressive. It’s a whole lotta duh.

Such is the peril of writing about living political figures that the writer plainly likes and admires.

The show, directed to some extent by Diane Paulus, begins in then-Minority Leader Pelosi’s office after Ocasio-Cortez’s general election victory in 2019, with DC Dems still shocked by her defeat of Joe Crowley in the primary. 

“Jesus!,” AOC, who’s filming a social media video, exclaims when Nancy spooks her. 

“Mary and Joseph,” Pelosi tacks on. 

That’s the baseline level of this material.

At first, Pelosi dismisses Ocasio-Cortez as a fad, taking a few notes and barely giving her the time of day. 

But as the months tick down, AOC and “The Squad” start to stick in the leader’s craw. The picture of a millennial, Ocasio-Cortez demands instant action, whereas Pelosi prefers deliberate, careful progress.

“Do the work,” she drums over and over. 

The Pelosi character, especially, spouts off a litany of Democratic Party platitudes designed to make a Manhattan theater audience clap.

In an attempt to make their dialogue rise above that of a campaign robocall, Correa has the prickly pair find common ground about their mothers and later the violent events of Jan. 6. 

Yet, for the most part, the lines are so clumsy that even the playwright dings them. At one point, Pelosi rips AOC for speaking like “a metaphor shower” and Ocasio-Cortez says the speaker’s remarks could be “a bumper sticker.” Both true!

Taylor and Villafañe are ideally cast in less-than-ideal circumstances. 

Villafañe, who played Gloria Estefan in “On Your Feet!” on Broadway, is eerily similar to AOC, especially the intensity of her eyes and voice.

Meanwhile, Taylor, who’s no stranger to playing politicians, wisely doesn’t try to copy Pelosi’s unique sound. That choice would teeter into sketch comedy territory. 

Instead, the actress focuses on CSPAN gravitas and a no-nonsense attitude. A disarming smile from Taylor will quickly snap into a glare of stern admonishment. 

That’s not the only lightning-fast turnaround in “N/A.”

At the end, the women instead sit in Ocasio-Cortez’s much tinier office. And Pelosi, suddenly a magnanimous mentor, suggests AOC run for speaker or even the presidency. 

Why the change of heart? Did Jan. 6 give Nancy a sense of her own mortality? Is she starting to see herself in the young spitfire? Who knows? Whatever the reasoning, it comes across as a cheap ploy for a clean finish.

And, as we all saw during another wreck on Thursday — the presidential debate — politics ain’t clean.